I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's blow job season.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
