Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm just crazy horny about you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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