dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
