I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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