just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
