Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
