Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In America we eat man semen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
