tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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