I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
