It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
