Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
