I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
