Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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