***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
