I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
