took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
