a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
