Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
