HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
