i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
