You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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