Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
im on a boat
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