hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
