would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
