my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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