You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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