you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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