Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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