I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
