Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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