I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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