Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
