I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're like the curious george of whores
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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