Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
