If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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