it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
