Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
