Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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