I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
