Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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