I CAN MOONWALK!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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