I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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