For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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