is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
