he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
