Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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