I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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