Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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