how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
