I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
