Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
