it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
