when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
