I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
