How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
