He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
