I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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