Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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