sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
