rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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