I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
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