it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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